It seems like I have forgotten what is real. All I see are
infomercials, adds, cars, computers, mobile phones and other types of
electronic gadgets. In addition to tangible things, I also see how we race
through time being occupied by making money, visiting friends or experiencing
thrills that let the heart pulsate. Before we know it we have become part of a
rat race, engulfed by desires, pleasures and "easy way outs". And
this makes me wonder if I am really myself or am I just simulating what is
required for an artificial world system to work?
To make the point clearer; when I was young I made an effort
to keep myself busy with activities outside home walls, I was forced to spend
many hours by myself and as a consequence had a lot to think about. I was also
very concerned about the well-being of others and would make genuine attempts to
improve the lives of others. My mind was not yet programmed, or rather deceived
by things that have absolutely no substance. I find myself now doing the
opposite. I care for myself more than others and am consumed by noise that adds
little life substance.
To fill the void and to keep ourselves occupied (we have
other people and machinery that simplify our lives thus making more time
available) we turn to entertainment. Our main goal is being happy right? This
is the greatest illusion ever! We revel in drunkenness, desires of the flesh,
money and status while there are real struggles across the world. We call
ourselves human, but what we are is something very far from it. Most likely
these words will just fall on deaf ears since we already believe the lies
around us.
It becomes close to impossible to distinguish the real from
the fake. Even if we realise that we are living a lie we find it very hard to
escape too. It is a struggle for our lives and our souls. This I believe is the
biggest challenge that humanity has ever had to face. In true adversary we realise what it is to live. In struggling we
appreciate life for what it really is - this is but a glimpse in time, so
important, yet so fragile. This is all we have. If we don't struggle, if we
don't experience pain we become disillusioned and mindless. I would much rather
know myself in pain and struggle than lose myself in endless pleasures.
Sometime fighting to become oneself again becomes
disheartening. Especially when you see yourself succumb frequently to the very
thing that you wish to escape. Often we want to be part of the thing that we
wish to escape. But knowing this truth and trying to deceive yourself will only
lead to despair.
Despair, purposeless and deceit; these words describe our
reality when we purchase from the world. From experience, the only true escape
from these lies is faith in God. This is simultaneously an easy way out but
also the hardest to accomplish. It requires a total dilution of the ego -
pride. Fortunately it is God, not us that does all the work. I personally struggle
to distinguish between reality and that which poses to be real. I know that
only God is real. I do not have to visibly see Him (the world deals in
appearances), my heart knows Him and my soul thirsts for Him. Even if I have
everything that the world has to offer and not have God, I would be but a speck
of dust, a simulation that follows worldly rules. Yet, I experience the pain of
betraying myself to a world that is not real and all I can hope for is God's
endless mercy. I can only hope to escape all of this if He is completely in
charge. I have experienced too frequently how my strength fails me. There is no
hope, but there is only God.
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